Thailand Travel on ReviewTrip.com

With October 16th and D-day for my next border run irkingly impending, I had no choice but to make plans for another trip out of Thailand. I wasn’t about to do Burma again, and Penang – in Malaysia, is even longer than the six hour drive I took on my first border run a mere 7 days before. So I wasn’t in the mood for another long-haul mission for a passport stamp. Besides, I still hadn’t forgotten about the mad man behind the wheel of the minibus, so in an endeavor to avoid future border runs and handing the responsibility of my life over to a speed demon – I booked a plane ticket to Singapore for a long weekend.

Singapore and her beautiful cityscape.

My plan was to get to Changi Airport, head over to a backpackers, check in, dump my luggage, make my way straight to the Royal Thai Embassy in Singapore City where I’d apply for my Non Immigrant B Visa, then go find my friends from South Africa who were conveniently in Singapore competing for the International Flowboarding Cup at the Wavehouse on Sentosa Island and enjoy a funfilled weekend with my peeps…

To begin the memoir of my journey to the English speaking, independent island nation of Singapore, I’d like to state – on the record, that window seat over Phuket ROCKS! Day or night! During the day – as you take off and start the steep ascent, you can’t help but gasp at the beauty of hundreds of islands lying beneath you while the turquoise ocean waters surrounding them shimmer brightly from the reflection of the sun.
A birds eye view of paradise!
At night – light’s tricks stir your imagination into believing (somewhat) that you’re upside down, because the ocean is now black, and the THOUSANDS of lit up boats scattered across the sea all look like sparkling stars hanging in the heavens. It’s like you’re looking down at the universe! Very trippy!

Anyway, a ‘B’ Visa would ensure I could legally stay in Thailand on a multiple entry permit for a year and only require a border run once every three months – instead of the random time frame’s I’d receive from either Burma or Malaysia via land entry. The visa was to take two working days to process. The drill, as I found out when I got to the embassy on schedule on Wednesday October 14th at about 2pm, was that for visa applications you’d need to arrive at the embassy between the hours of 9am and 11:30am and then pick your newly visa’d passport up the following day between 2pm and 4pm.

This meant, being that it was Wednesday and that I was leaving to come back to Thailand on Sunday, that I only had one opportunity to be successful in getting my visa. Thursday morning.

Me sitting on the steps of the orchid garden on the Buddhist Temple's rooftop.

After having walked Singapore City flat on Wednesday, looking for the embassy, making the trek to Sentosa Island to see my friends, then catching the last bus back to the underground and only getting to sleep at around 2am – I over slept on Thursday morning. I had hoped to be there by 9am. Instead I only woke up at 11am…

FAIL!

I was going home empty handed!

All the same – I’m not one to add insult to my own injury by crying over milk I spilled… I was still in a new place and the friends I hadn’t seen in ages were still there… I was going to have a great weekend and deal with the consequences of not setting my alarm when I got back to home to Phuket.

Singapore is just beautiful. Unbelievably clean.
Possibly the cleanest country I have visited so far – and the most well managed. The entire infrastructure of this little country is awefully impressive. And the laws they have in place to ensure their spick-and-span country stays ever clean are harsh to say the least.

Statutory law stands firm to ensure it stays beautifully clean.

There are the obvious one’s such as a mandatory death penalty for drug trafficking that applies to foreigners too.

It is also seen as criminal for you to have drug metabolites in your system – even if you reveled in said illegal part time hobby in a different country. If they suspect you as a could be consumer – law is – they can test you and you could end up winning a free phone call to your lawyer at home.
Seriously people  – don’t mess around with drug laws ANYWHERE in South East Asia!

Then there are the the less obvious ones.
Like the fines you get nailed with for jaywalking, smoking or drinking in public, spitting on the streets or even being in possession of chewing gum. You might as well nail yourself to a financial cross if you’re an avid litterer – it’s just a no go zone!

Singapore’s currency is also extremely strong and is currently around 23.86BAHT to one Sing Dollar. You’d get about 73 US Dollars from 100 Sing Dollars.  So for the above mentioned law violations, you can expect to pay anything between 500 and 10 000 Sing Dollars. It’s a lot of US Dollars for accidentally jaywalking… and it’s even more Thai BAHT.

Of all the endearing qualities Singapore possesses – it’s main downfall in the eyes of the traveller, would be the economy. It’s RIDICULOUSLY expensive! And coming from a place as cheap as Thailand – it was a massive shock to the system

The main street in Chinatown. Singapore tourism is resposible for the urban decor.

A plate of Nacho’s cost me S$15 and instead of being merry with my mates – we all involuntarily opted for sobriety over the weekend after we discovered that A beer cost nearly S$18!!! When I heard the bad news – I recalled my mate Hannah – who was in Singapore the weekend before, telling me that she got so hammered at the Quays that she spewed, and I thought to myself “HTF did she afford to get THAT drunk?!?!”
But it’s not just food and beverage that’s are so ill priced. Accommodation is too! I got lucky and found a backpackers that was S$18 a night. Poor Hannah paid nearly S$100 per night. AND she went shopping! Not sure whether she won the lottery or robbed a bank before she left Phuket…. but it would seem ‘poor Hannah’ really isn’t poor Hannah…
I on the other hand – was going to have to choose my poison wisely.

Luckily the world champs type competition my friends were invited to compete in ensured their needs were met over the course of their stay and they were given food vouchers for the Wavehouse restaurant. One voucher could get them 3 dishes if they liked… so I did score a few freebies while I was there.

Another awesome aspect of Singapore’s infrastructure is that they are very centered around the environmental and her well-being There are recycling reward systems in action – your average paper, plastic and glass with pretty primary coloured bins gridding the city and then your travel tickets get you a S$1 deposit refund when you return your used public transport voucher to the ticketing machine.

The Skytower has a rotating lift that carries you up to the top of the tower and rotates while you take in Singapore's panoramic elegance.

And there are Eco-Malls! I was particularly fond of that idea! I bought some fruit from one of the convenience stores inside an Eco-Mall and I was quite put off when they gave me a plastic bag. After considering the audacity of a mall advertising itself as eco friendly and then distributing very un-eco-friendly carry bags (it was really bugging me), I took a closer look at the packet – it wasn’t plastic. It was corn! ‘They’ had just redeemed themselves – a hundred fold!
I get that this might not be quite as novice to you as it is to me because wherever YOU are from has had systems like this in place for ages. But clearly it’s not just me who’s had my head in a hole since the beginning of the eco-revolution, because when I showed my fellow Saffa’s at the Wavehouse this ingenious invention – they were as impressed as I was.

South Africa’s peuney contribution toward environmental sustainability is like farting in the wind! They might as well not even bother. They have a long way to go to catch up to places like Singapore! But that’s a different story for a different time.

Chinatown streets are asthetically awesome.

As far as Singapore sights go:
The city itself is really modern, with mirrored glass skyscrapers and a freshly built tube system they call the MRT, commuting thousands of people to work and to colossal shopping centres in and around the city that is a country.
The MRT in reality is not THAT fresh, but it’s pretty much brand new in comparison with London’s almost vintage underground.
Despite being super modern, Singapore still has it’s ‘old charms’ like Little India and Chinatown which make for a great day walking through the streets and witnessing different cultures.

Singapore’s main tourist trap – and pretty much where I spent the entire weekend, is Sentosa Island – which is basically one big expensive resort with three beaches – the main of which is Siloso Beach. It’s pretty… and well kept – but nowhere near as fantastic as the beaches here on Phuket. If it weren’t for the fact that there is a section of Sentosa Island that rises well above sea level, I would insist that the entire island is man made. The beach sand doesn’t feel as soft as beach sand should feel and the palm trees look planted. Even the rocky bays look fake. Maybe I’ve just been spoilt. It is still a nice outing though.

The one touristy thing (the poison I was talking about choosing earlier) I did decide to do was going for a ride up the Skytower on Sentosa. I had to do it. As an aspiring photographer – the photographic opportunity that a panoramic view of Singapore City at night would bring would be worth it’s weight in Sing gold.

Charming Siloso Beach. I've decided all beaches need to have their names on them like this.

As lovely as Singapore is – it’s TOO expensive and TOO hot for me, so when Sunday afternoon rolled in and it was time to hop on the plane back to Phuket, I was more than ready to go. I had a lot of fun and really enjoyed my experience in Singapore – and watching Team South Africa take first place in the competition

But, it’s like when you’ve gone on holiday and you’ve had a great time – and then you wake up one morning after your 2 weeks is up and you feel that it’s time to go home now. You’re ready. You miss YOUR bed, YOUR shower, YOUR fridge and YOUR island.

For more information on traveling to Singapore – visit http://wikitravel.org/en/Singapore

OH MY ACTUAL BUDDHA!!!!

These people are insane! What kind of vegetarian festival has people mutilating themselves in the name of spiritual cleansing?

I get the whole alcohol, sex and meat abstinence as a method of self purification – but what on earth does ripping massive holes through your cheeks, climbing bladed ladders, smothering yourself in boiling oil and walking on hot coal have to do with being a vegetarian?

As mentioned before in my previous blog – I’d understand if it were in a bid to demonstrate and perhaps empathise with how animals are slaughtered for human consumption.

That would be far more proactive in my eyes where paying homage is concerned, and far more noble than the truth behind the entire custom.

Hurt much?

The whole tradition arose from a group of Chinese opera singers who were on tour in Phuket and fell ill with malaria. They figured that they must be getting punished for not paying respect to the nine Emperor gods in the first nine days of the ninth month on the Chinese lunar calendar. Then – they decided that they should probably try and make up for their religious misdemeanor by throwing a bit of a tribute to the original tradition and abstain from flesh consumption.

History has it that the malaria suddenly disappeared and they were convinced that it was their pledge to be veg for nine days that got the gods to forgive them. Could it be that there isn’t actually anything you can do but ride it out once you have malaria? And yes – people have died from it, but people have also recovered just fine. I have friends who are proof of that. So they may actually – through adopting a healthier choice of living – and a healthier diet…have healed themselves? God alone knows what all the Chinese eat. We’ve all heard about their taste for dogs!

I get that THAT is why there is a vegetarian festival every year – but why does it include this primitive urge to skewer, saute and flay oneself?

But whatever… I am by no means passing judgment. I’m sure they have their reasons. It just wouldn’t be reason enough for me to allow someone to inform me that I am a ‘chosen one’ for the current year’s nine day slaughter session. Apparently the elderly and the ill are more likely to be ‘chosen’ by the gods for the rituals. Nice! Prey on the old and the weak! Ha ha… kick a man while he’s down!

Ghetto gun show.

There are people who have actually died from mishaps arising from the rituals. This morning – I saw a guy with stitches all along the one side of his cheek leading to the corner of his mouth. His ENTIRE cheek ripped open and had to be sewn back together just so he could have a functional mouth again.

Another poor sod I saw this morning did not look so great just before I left. He had two swords stuck through his tongue. At some point – and I don’t even want to imagine what might have happened to cause his tongue to split, but the guys tongue looked like a piece of pink chewed up gum!

What if his tongue is so messed up that it would make more sense to just cut it off than have a piece of mashed muscle swimming around in your mouth? There goes any hope of a public speaking career…

And out of ALL the things you could choose to stick through your cheek holes – why in the name of Buddha would you elect exhaust pipes? Or guns?

Then there are the scars these gaping holes are going to leave. One of the guys assisting one of the main ‘piercers’ must have his five minutes of fame last week sometime. He looked like he’d had 10mm diameter whiskers plucked from his face.

But – having said my say – I do have to admit that the entertainment factor is through the roof on this specific tradition. You just can’t stop looking! It’s not everyday you get to see exhaust pipes hanging out on a guys face!

Seeing isn't always believing.

Thailand has some rather unique local customs and traditions.

Many of them endearing – others, fairly mind-bending. It’s not always easy to understand what they’re thinking. One of those fairly mind-boggling customs is the need to set of firecrackers throughout the entire day.

Buddhists believe it wards off evil spirits.

Some days the loud and unsuspecting bang don’t seem to affect my life or my mood much. Others – the constant machine gun sound of a string of crackers going off amplified by the giant furnaces they throw them into is enough to make me throttle those monks. They will set them off every two minutes for about an hour sometimes. Not endearing at all when you are trying to sleep in or even fall asleep or enjoy some peace and quiet after having your brain unhinged in Phuket traffic.

Then there are times where I’ll be riding along the road on my scooter and suddenly someone will light one of those BIG tom thumb crackers that explode just as I drive past them causing me to catch such a fright that I almost fall off my scooter. I’m not kidding – this has happened to me at least twice. My only thought is that to the people driving behind me – seeing me almost jump a meter high on my moving scooter, must be hilarious.

There are many other customs which are quite noble too and those who at first seem noble, but then after learning the history of the custom – seem a bit far fetched. To us westerners at least.

Tradition for the vegetarian festival has it that you will be protected from trauma by the Nine Emperor gods if you pay homage to them by piercing your flesh.

Phuket’s Annual Vegetarian Festival is one those that seem inspiring. The history of the festival revolves around a group of Chinese opera singers who fell ill with malaria after they forgot to pay homage to the nine emperor gods in the first nine days of the ninth month on the Chinese lunar calendar.

As a result of the vegetarian diet they implemented in a bid to make up for their disrespect – their illness miraculously vanished. Once the towns people heard about their successful tribute, they too adopted the tenet, where, for the first nine days of the ninth month on the Chinese lunar calender, they would practice self purification by wearing white, abstaining from sex, meat, alcohol and bad behaviour.

It seems a bit unfair though that pregnant and menstruating women are not allowed to join in the festivities at on of the six main Chinese temples on the island where the rituals are performed. The first ceremony is the raising of the lantern, which is to notify the nine gods that the festival has begun. Then, for the next nine days, at 6am every morning Thai’s with Chinese background flock to the temples to pray and witness the other rituals which include walking on hot coals, self mortification, oil bathing and body piercing. This is not your average oil bathing or body piercing either. The oil they cover themselves in is boiling and they pierce their cheeks with massive silver stakes and put THE most random objects through them. My favourite so far has been the guy with two exhaust pipes in his face and another guy giving a noteworthy gun show. Self mortification includes climbing ladders of blades. Not for the feint at heart.

At first – when I still thought the Vegetarian Festival had a more serious history, I thought that the reason they try and skewer, sauté and flay themselves was to demonstrate the harshness of how animals are slaughtered to feed the human population. And that is was done to honor the animals. How naive of me…

A local who took part in the hair raising ritual making his way down to the parade.

It is believed that through these crazed rituals (where those who are participating like to think that they are in a trance and possessed by spirits) that the Chinese gods will protect them from trauma.

Once the rituals are finished, there is a parade throughout the streets in which you will be able to see just how creative people have gotten in their displays and to prove their devotion to their beliefs. The parade eventually passes and the crowds dissipate and you are left standing ankle deep in firecracker shrapnel with your jaw on the floor, minus an appetite and thanking God – or whom ever your believe in, for your submissive and docile traditions. The most discomfort I’m most likely to experience at any one of the western world’s traditional past times is feeling like my belly is about to explode from eating far too much.

Easter – we eat, Christmas – we eat, Thanksgiving – we eat. A thoroughly enjoyable experience.

Call me a sissy should you wish, but I stand firm in my conviction that I would much rather prefer to celebrate our local customs and traditions by eating my way into hospital and not by tearing my body to pieces with a silver stake or an axe.

What an awesome day!

Our tour guide and friend Chon

For the past two or three weeks, myself and the three Australian friends I have here have been threatening to go on a day trip with a Thai guy who was in our class on our Teacher Training Course. The Thai guy – Chon, is a freelance tour guide and very kindly offered us a cheap day package to Phang Nga – obviously hoping that we would convey and relay his services by means of word of mouth, which after today – we most definitely will be obliging.

After weeks of procrastination brought on by the monsoon season and my trip to Singapore – we finally made plans for Phang Nga today.

We met Chon at the TTT Language School in Chalong at 8:30am and set off on the hour and a bit drive to Phang Nga (pronounced Pang Ga) where we were to embark on my maiden voyage on a longtail boat.

The homemade jetty.

The moment we (there were six of us) got to ‘the jetty’ where we were meant to be boarding our vessel – we each took one look at the ghetto fabulous pier that had been constructed VERY sketchily from old wooden beams and tree branches, that we were almost too afraid to even take that first extremely unsteady step to even getting on the boat. It was that bad, but also completely worth it in what we were about to feast our eyes on.

Having all survived the dock of doom, we set off – heading straight into Phang Nga Bay – which is now in the top 3 of my ‘Most beautiful places I have ever seen’ list (contending neck and neck with The Seychelles and Madagascar).

For what seems a space perpetual, Phang Nga Bay is an archipelago of approximately 1000 limestone islands jutting pre-eminently from the emerald Andaman Sea horizon. Some cascading as high as 400 metres. Possibly one of the few places one can still enjoy in Thailand that has not been over commercialised or westernised into a mass tourist hotspot– this Marine National Park remains a mostly uninhabited and unspoilt splendor.

Phang Nga Bay is a natural splendor.

Of the 400 square kilometers of Phang Nga Bay, only 40 islands covering 53 square kilometers form the Marine National Park which is crawling with Mangrove forests, caves, palm trees, crab eating monkeys, bats, kingfishers and horn-bills. To name a few.

This is a full environment, teaming fauna and flora innumerably together, bringing your perfect dream scenery to life before your very eyes.

In one of the hidden coves Chon took us to. there are many like it in the bay.

It’s also filled with surprises. Guide permitting – climb off your boat onto one of the limestone ledges under the weathered island bases and make your way through a low and short cave tunnel where you will be treated to a secret cove. Or rent a sea canoe and paddle your way through the small opening in Ko Phenak at low tide and find yourself in a hidden world of perfect beaches and lagoons.

Other must see attractions of Phang Nga splendor are Khao Khian which is a shallow cave with cave paintings – believed to be about 3000 years old and has images of dolphins, crocodiles, sharks and people strewn across its lithic canvas.

Then there’s Ko Panyi – which is the most popular choice of lunching venue and an interesting Muslim fishing village built on

Ko Panyi - a muslim fishing village built on stilts.

stilts, founded some 200 years ago by a small group of Muslim sea gypsies looking for a new place to call home. The settlement with a population of about 2000 people, has one school and a much talked about, yet muchly over rated Mosque. I have seen pictures of Ko Panyi before and the Mosque in the pictures I have seen is not the Mosque that stands there today. Well – it is – just minus the very beautiful looking top half. The rest of the village will provide with some decent photographic opportunity.

Another interesting fact about Ko Panyi is their homestay programme. Travellers and visitors can opt to stay in one of the stilted bungalows for about 500BAHT a night and have the locals take them under their wing for a few days and show them the ropes of fishing and mangrove farming – Ko Panyi style. It’s a more suitable option for those who enjoy really getting to know the culture and community of a place.

Ko Tapu also known as James Bond Island

Without a doubt – the most famous and most photographed of the Phang Nga islands and features is the 1974 shooting location of James Bond ‘The Man with the Golden Gun’ starring Roger Moore.

You see this sea scape on postcards and in brochures and you think “great – that is a cool looking rock”. Truth is – postcards and brochures do no justice to what Khao Phingkan and Ko Tapu actually are to the naked eye. In pictures you only see Ko Tapu otherwise known as Nail Islet. You don’t ever see what is lying behind the camera man – and that for me is possibly even better than the big rock sticking out like a beautiful thumb. Khao Phingkan, the island, translated means ‘hills leaning against each other’ is literally two huge limestone hills joined together by a tiny strip of beach. The whole spot in general is decidedly picturesque.

If you circle round the island to the back end – you will find another completely unique geo formation and quite possibly the deciding factor in the naming of the island: one of the two hills is split in two and one half is leaning against the other half.

Apparently there is also Ko Khai, which we didn’t get to today, but may still be on the cards for the not to distant future as it’s only 35 minutes away from Phuket. Here you will find tranquility, white powdery sand and crystal clear waters – perfect for swimming and soaking up the sun.

Before we knew it, the sun had begun descending and it was time for our longtail to head back to the ghetto fabulous dock of doom for our ride back to Phuket, where we spent the better half of the trip home enquiring about our ‘next trip’ with Chon who has now found himself some very loyal customers.

The part of James Bond Island you don't see in brochures and postcards.

Being on budget in Phuket is tough.
There is so much to do here – so much you WANT to do. Touristy things – like riding an elephant or going to see what all the hype about Ko Phi Phi is about. There are snorkelling excursions and various other themed trips (including mass underwater weddings) to most of the breathtaking surrounding islands that I would kill to go to. There is the monthly and notorious full moon party on Ko Penang which I want to experience at least once while I’m traveling Thailand and many, many other fantastic, once in a lifetime opportunities. All of which cost an arm and a leg with the degree of extortion instilled to foreigners by the locals.

Unfortunately – my new found value and attitude toward money, will not budge for me to indulge in even a chillaxing massage at one of the millions of day spa’s around the island. And it’s not that I’m on the bones of my ass and only just scraping by with money – because I’m not. I have enough to ensure my mother can sleep soundly at night knowing her daughter is taking care of herself adequately. It’s that I won’t pay the ridiculous prices charged for said services after I found out what the locals pay for them. Us farangs are charged 1000BAHT a pop to go watch Muay Tai at Bangla Stadium on fight night. Thai’s only pay 100BAHT for their tickets.

Do you see where I’m coming from?

Nevertheless… Phuket on antiestablishment budget is just as enjoyable, if not more so. Especially when I have the time to explore and realise that most of the places on the tour itinerary for Phuket – with the exception of the elephant safari, so far, are actually free and that you’re mainly paying for a driver and a tour guide.

On budget, you’re pretty much compelled to look past the end of your nose and all the other tourist traps, which I have found to be a much more rewarding experience. There is so much more to a place than the forefront of a tourbus.

Even luckier is that I don’t have to spend a single dollar to come and hang out on one of the tranquil beaches on the island.

Like the one I’m at now.

Emerald beach.

It's easy to get used to seeing ths everyday

Emerald beach instantly became my favourite daytime hangout after my activity partner – Russell, decided to take a look see past the end of his nose, and found a beach neatly tucked away from the crowds and litter on Patong beach which is only about 2 miles away to the right. For starters – it doesn’t have the sand flea’s Patong Beach has – or the crowds – or the stench.
It’s idyllic flat watered, lapping shore is only the tip of the iceberg.

It’s the Lekky Bar and Mr Tong who make it worth the trip.

Lekky Bar (aptly named after the owner – Lekky) is a rustic beach bar which has been built from drift wood that washed up on the shore after the 2004 tsunami and has Bob Marley on their playlist on any given day.

Then there’s Mr Tong – who is an absolute monkey… in every sense of the word – literally.

He’s an 11 month old gibbon who’s home is a treehouse near the Beach Bar. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any creature with more personality and character than this little monkey. I can watch him for hours, with each minute filled with more amazement in his being than the one before.

Lekky keeps Mr Tong leashed onto an approximately 10 meter long rope. At first I was not happy about the collar around his neck and the leash, but then I realised that he is treated tremendously well and that you can’t well have a pet monkey without a leash – he’d probably be halfway to Bangkok after the first five minutes – and keeping him in a cage is cruel. So he’s on a leash.

At the moment Tong is busy eating a piece of fruit I gave him, but about two minutes ago he had all fours on my head trying to get my head band off. The fruit was my only hope in calming him down enough to stop making my hair his playground.

Spending some time playing with Mr Tong is a real treat.

LOL! An elderly guy just walked up to Mr Tong with a finger-full of strawberry jam. Monkey noticed him coming early and stood up with childlike excitement and curiosity on his face. If there were a thought bubble, it would read “WHAT’S THAT?!?!”
The little guy is licking the old guy’s finger with bright eye’s and enthusiasm akin to a child with an ice-cream. Very cute!

I can’t imagine jam is very good for a monkey with the amount of sugar in it. I think I might just be about to find out if monkey’s get sugar rushes…

As if this one could be anymore lively.

I could go on forever about the endless supreme quirks resonating from this mischievous, playful and completely lovable little rascal, but he’s not the main focus of my story – although I’m pretty sure he’s mid sugar rush right now – he’s jumping around and swinging between the rope and the bar’s roof with his eyes closed! WTF?!?!?! He’s pretty much creating havoc – jumping on people as they walk past – getting reactions mixed with fright and excite. I’m ACTUALLY Laughing Out Loud! He definitely inspires joy and enhances the Lekky bar/Emerald beach experience.

Small, rustic and laid back - Lekky Bar.

Other factors that come into play that will furthermore enhance your leisure time at Emerald Beach is the reasonably priced menu – with western and Thai food. My favourite so far is the tempura prawns with fries and a watermelon shake. And then a mango shake. Followed by another watermelon shake – or a pineapple and lime shake. That’s another thing I love about Thailand – their fruit shakes. Non dairy, pure fruit and ice chucked into a smoothy machine and served up in glasses the size of vases. All with orchids, fruit and several different size and colour straws as décor. They’re amazing. Pretty much ANYWHERE I’ve had a fruit shake in Phuket has been a really positive experience. I’ve even been considering going on a fruit shake diet for a week to see what the effects are.

Pack a bag and stay for the day.

The food you order from Lekky Bar gets made two bars over at ‘Beach Bar’ – which is also owned by Lekky and his family, and then driven over by friendly bar staff on their motorcycles. Yet another factor I appreciate is the absence of go go girls – which seem to be ubiquitous throughout Phuket. It really is a break from the craziness of other social hotspots. A sanctuary even.

Between Lekky Bar and Beach Bar, the powdery soft sand is lined with tall palm trees whose leaves hang over providing shade for those catching a nap on the sunchairs, and vendors renting kayaks, snorkels, goggles and clear perspex canoes. Visibility for snorkelling is great – it’s just that the tsunami tore most of the reef to pieces and now all that remains are a few fish species, live urchins (beware) and even a seahorse or two. It’s also pretty shallow so you’re snorkelling right on top of the reef rocks – which could be either good or bad. Good for close up encounters with marine life, bad for close up encounters with sea urchins.

You could opt to rent a jetski from Lekky’s nephew All, or head toward the Beach Bar and get a massage right on the beach. Rest assured though that the only happy ending you’ll be getting from these massages is waking up to the view of the glassy flat emerald water only a few paces from you.

Emerald beach and her pristine palm studded shoreline.

There’s nothing I love more than to come and spend the day here in the sun – or under the shade of the palm trees, enjoying multiple watermelon shakes, playing with Mr Tong and listening to ‘three little birds’ telling me that ‘every little thing’s gonna be alright’ in the background. My soul is smiling and free and has for the time being found her new happy place.

Seriously. This weather needs to to pull it’s self toward itself, have a cup of cement, harden up and be the happy ray of sunshine we know, love and need in a Phuket day . It’s been pouring with rain since Monday. It’s now Thursday – and I’m tearing my hair out! Number one because I’m SO over wearing wet clothes and number two – it’s now beginning to affect my mental wellbeing.

Everyday this week has been the same story.
Wake up, feeling chirpy and rearing to go because I have a list of things that need to be done – and in specific order. I can’t do the one if I haven’t done the one before it.  Like having appropriate clothes for interviews. Clothes first trumps job seeking first – I can’t go for interviews with the kit I’m sitting in.
All I have here is board shorts, bikini’s, hoodies, T-shirts and jeans. That’s all I packed when I left to go work at the cable park in Norway for the Euro summer. I didn’t need any other clothes.
Then I’ll get on my bike, and get one step closer to having my sh*t together, and begin looking forward to my next planned activity for the day.

It’s at this point that it usually starts raining. No wait…. sorry…… THROWING DOWN!

Monday was spent unsuccessfully shopping for work clothes at Big C (Central Festival Mall). After not finding anything there, I head back home.

In the rain.

Apparently I got home at approximately 2:36pm – and in a BAD MOOD – or so my facebook status says.
Then it looks like I went out again – because at 6:59pm (facebook time) I felt like puking due to the cans of pigeon I saw at the store – right there, next to the cans of tuna. It’s quite unclear what I did after that because my next status was only posted at 11:07am on Tuesday:

“EPIC FAIL: Going out to buy clothes and getting SO lost that you run out of petrol, pass the same building THREE times and get home TWO HOURS later EMPTY HANDED and DRIPPING because you were STUPID enough to go out in the middle of a monsoon!!! SERIOUSLY PEOPLE: my fingers are pruney they’ve been wet for so long. I might has well have sat in the bath fully clothed for 2 hours!!!!

I remember waking up on Tuesday, feeling really positive about the day ahead because the sky was clear. How does it manage to go from clear skies to me admitting defeat by mama nature? By 11:07AM!!!!

After the ordeal of getting lost – there was NO WAY I was driving all the way to Patong to say good-bye to Chantal – who has gone back to Norway, and left me to take over the world by myself! BUT… the night before – on Skype, she asked me please not to bail on her. I promised her I wouldn’t. So I HAD to go to Patong. And I’d agreed to meet her at Jung Ceylon Shopping Centre at about noon.

But I still wasn’t risking my life driving my bike – so I caught a taxi instead. It was still raining buy the time I caught a taxi home to Chalong at about 6pm – so…. in order to avoid getting drenched again… I stayed inside and spoke to my friends on Skype and FB. AGAIN.

This is where I started feeling the pressure cracks.

I had (and still do have) some serious cabin fever and needed human interaction before I started talking to a volley ball like Tom Hanks did.
So I hollered at one of the only four people I know who aren’t leaving in 2 weeks or a month when their vacation ends, explained my need to get out of my single serving apartment and DO something the next day. This is the same person who has agreed to ‘investigate’ Phuket’s beaches with me. Lets call him Russell.

We both agreed that Chalong Temple would be a cool place to visit, and that we’d go after he’d finished his Muay Thai training the next day.

Wednesday came and I was feeling positively recharged after my sleep. Again, I woke up ambitious, with a to do list that needed to be taken care of pretty much immediately. This time it had to do with my Non Immigrant B visa, and me having to go to a Thai embassy in another country for it. And having only got a 14 day extension on my border run over the weekend – I have to leave Thailand again before October 16. Which is next week.

So I went to the travel agent and bought a ticket to Singapore for four days. And scanned my passport and printed my CV’s so that even if it was raining – I could still be productive and proactive.

And then the rain came.

And I went home.

And spoke to Nicole and Kat on Skype for the rest of the day.
Between the two of them – and Gemma, I managed to apply to one job online. WHOOP DEE DOO! What an over achiever!
I didn’t hear Russell’s text message come through asking me if I still wanted to go the temple, and so when he logged onto Skype at about 6:30pm – I felt REALLY lame that I had just spent another entire afternoon and evening on my stupid laptop. Sure Kat and Nicole are my friends and at least I was interacting. BUT IT’S SERIOUSLY DYSFUNCTIONAL to sit on your computer for an entire week talking to your friends at home, while you’re sitting on an island.

a) Your friends at home must think you’re a loser for always being on FB and Skype when you should be out interacting with REAL people…

and

b) The only real person you know here is gonna think you’re a loser for always being on FB and Skype when you should be out interacting with REAL people…

Even MORE pathetic and depressing is that in order to ’save face’ with my ‘real’ friend and not look like a COMPLETE social degenerate, I made my ‘presence’ on both FB and Skype invisible and waited half an hour before I ‘logged on’… to see if he wanted to come and explore Phuket Town with me on Thursday.

And by now, I’m thinking “OH GOD! He probably thinks I’m this clingy and needy girl who HAS to speak to him everyday” when in all honesty – all I want, is to share the company of another human being. Apart from the one’s in the store and at the gas station…

OH! I got an interview btw! This guy from British Language School called me on Wednesday and said the teaching job was pretty much mine – seeing as though I finished top of my class (NERD!) which put me first in line for a teaching job, and that I should come for an interview on Thursday (today) at 1pm as a formality. YAY!!!

These clouds DO have a silver lining – even though, right now it seems more pewter – or gun metal grey, than silver.

So Thursday arrives, and I prepare for my interview, hop on my bike and set off….

right….

into…

a…

monsoon!!!

I pull over as quickly as I can and take cover until the shower passes, and feeling confident that that was it and that I can enjoy spending time with the other three real people I know here (I’ve decided I can’t stalk Russell anymore – someone else needs a turn. The poor guy!) after the interview, I set off to the interview venue.

All goes well… job is mine – I now am the proud owner of a three day week and four day weekend…. start on November 2nd.

COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER???

It could.

But not today…. it’s throwing down again. And I get home drenched…. again.

I’m now sitting here, writing this blog – it’s still pouring with rain, DETERMINED to make the best out of a bad weather week, and tell the story – in a bid to NOT allow social networking applications to make me their bitch for the 4th day in a row.

I do however, have both Kat and Nicole bouncing up and down on my desktop dashboard with messages as I write this…

I’m going to have to log off for real this time.

Sorry girls… It’s for my own good!

WHAT A MISSION!!!!

Between the crazy man behind the wheel of the mini bus, and the crazy man behind the wheel of that boat we took to Burma – I was well glad we were on the home leg of the journey.

What a day!

First, we get to Port Ranong – which is possibly one of the smelliest places on this here planet, and stand in line to get ’stamped out’ of Thailand.

While we’re in the line, this Thai official is going through everyone’s passports.

My border run companions in line to get stamped out of Thailand.

“Everything’s fine,” I tell myself – “you always make your self nervous around authority – just chill- you haven’t done anything wrong”.

So I chill.

Until he has my passport in his hands and is telling me that I’m an overstay.

“No,” I say “it only expires tomorrow”.

Then he shows me my entry stamp and low and behold there it is – October 2nd!

This kind of thing – with permits expiring and me finding out via authority, ALWAYS happens to me.

Once in South Africa, I got pulled over by a cop, who asked to see my license. I gladly handed it to him, feeling all smug that I had done nothing wrong. He then asked me for my valid license, and I said “No, it only expires next year” .

Guess again… it had expired about 6 months before said incident.

I STILL haven’t got it renewed, and have been driving with it and been stopped twice here in Thailand with it, and it still seems to be pretty effective.

But that’s an entirely different story.

So – Mr Passport Police takes me through a door into the customs office where I am seated in front of a nice and friendly enough looking lady in Police uniform. It went pretty smoothly – I handed over my passport and 500BAHT, she stamped and signed, and off I went – back into the departures queue with the rest of my border run companions.

Where I ended up...

When it’s my turn, I step forward and give the man my passport. He stamps and signs what needs to be signed and stamped, and then he asks me to look into the camera positioned on his PC.

They had this at the airport when I arrived too.

What do they do with these pictures of us? What are they for?

I’ve never had that in any western country I’ve visited, so what’s up with the Asians and their infinitely expanding portrait collection?

Nevertheless, I pose for my mug shot and off I go, following the others to a long boat with weather shielding and a very noisy engine. The boat ride was my least favourite part of the trip – not that ANY part was my favourite. He was going so fast that everytime he turned the rudder the vessel felt like it was going to capsize.

Not what I needed considering the smell of the filthy fishing waters, and that I had my camera around my neck and my passport in my hand. I could handle me getting wet – but the other two HAVE to stay dry.

There was also a guy on the boat who was going round to all the men pushing his ‘ware’.

Cigarettes, whiskey and Viagra.

Apparently Viagra goes for about 500BAHT in Phuket – for one little blue pill.

Father's little helper.

In Burma – they sell 4 for 100BAHT.

The older guys were buying them, well, because they needed them….

and the younger guys were buying them, well, because they needed the cash – the profit they could make from selling a 25BAHT tablet for 500BAHT a pop – makes it well worth it.

After about half an hour of boat torture, we arrive at the port in Burma.

Again – stand in line, quick quick, stamp stamp and we’re back on the boat for the nervewracking half hour trip back to Thailand.

This time though – we stop at a checkpoint and 3 militant soldiers come barging into the boat and demand that we open our bags for them to search.

OH MY WORD! Even though you KNOW you have done nothing wrong, the very presence of the militia makes you fear for your life. Holding onto my 15cmx20cm little pink bag – all I could think was “WHAT IF SOMEONE PLANTED DRUGS IN MY BAG?!?!?”

Our border run boat.

Yeah – okay Paranoid Pete! Nevermind that you’ve been holding your bag the entire time – and you can barely fit your mobile phone and your passport inside that tiny excuse for a storage facility – nevermind any illegal substances.

But like I said – it’s the mere presence of this regimented division that make you quiver in your boots. Especially when Burma and Thailand are not getting along that well at present.

The guy who had by now secured the male medication supply must know the drill because he waited until after the Militia were off the boat and we were puttering along to hand out their purchases from within a concealed cigarette carton.

Once we get back to Thailand – it’s back into the arrivals queue… stamp stamp – smile for the camera and off we go, back onto the minibus for the trip home. Five hours later we arrive back in friendly Phuket and I have never been as enthusiastic about taking a shower and washing Burma and that boat off my body.

Longtail boats at Port Ranong

I’m on my way to Burma in a mini bus – bouncing up and down, as the man driving is flying down the mainland road, on his mobile phone.

I’m pretty happy living in Phuket. The weather is great and life is just that much sweeter.

Why then, did I feel the need to wake up at 5am and leave my happy home to get into a vehicle with 10 strangers and a maniac behind the wheel, to enter a country I know nothing about?

My first border run.

There’s a pretty long list of nations whose citizens don’t need visa’s to enter Thailand if they are staying for less than 30 days. South Africa is one of them, and tomorrow will be my 30th day here in Thailand. And in order to avoid being fined 500BAHT for each day I stay over my entry permit’s expiration – I needed to do a border run TODAY.

The first thing you’d think (or at least what my good friend Kat thought) when you hear the words ‘border run’ is a dry, arid landscape with terrified people hiding in the bushes and sneaking across the border. “That must be so terrifying,” is what Kat said.

But it’s just a bunch of people standing in line – I presume, to leave Thailand for about 5 minutes, and re-enter with a nice new entry permit for at least 14 days.

Depending on which border you go to.

If you go to Ranong – you will get a 14 day extension. If you go to Penang, in Malaysia, they – apparently, give you 30 days.
I’m going to Ranong.
It’s a given that the latter of which, would be more beneficial as it would give one a longer period of time before having to leave the country again, but I’m not after the 30 day entry permit. I’m after the non-immigrant B visa – which will allow me to stay in Thailand for 3 months at a time, while I look for teaching work. I also NEED to ‘B’ visa before I can get a work permit. For the ‘B’ visa – I need to go to a Thai embassy in another country and get it.
So all I need is 11 extra days before I fly into Singapore to meet up with my friend Mawa (who is representing SA in the world flowboarding cup) and go to the Thai embassy for my ‘B’  visa, which will take a few days.

I’m killing two birds with one proverbial stone.

Prices of border/visa runs vary, depending on what package you take.

You can get a 3 or 4 day deal which will include transport to the border in an air conditioned and very comfortable mini bus, accommodation and food for about 4500 BAHT – which unreservedly exceeds my budget. So I’m on the one day border run.
As far as I know, it’s meant to be a five hour drive to Ranong (but I think our driver may be establishing that we arrive well ahead of schedule), a boat ride across to the border post in Burma and then the same drill, in reverse – back to Phuket.
The price of said one day border run is 1500BAHT. Apparently it includes a breakfast along the way there and a lunch on the way back.
Well, we’re about two hours into the trip, still bouncing along, as ever – and I’m hungry! It’s time to pause this hightail for some necessary human activity – eating and peeing.

An hour later, and we still haven’t stopped. Not that there has been anywhere TO stop, but that’s not the point! Girl’s gotta eat!

Finally, we pull into a gas station about an hour and a half from Ranong. The ‘breakfast buffet’ does not cater for non-flesh eaters, so I decide, instead to load up on junk food from the 7/11.  For the next few hours, at least – I’ll be occupying myself with Oreo cookies, Milo drinks and fried seaweed crisps.